I Don't think i'm afraid of dying. It's not something I stress about or fear all my waking moments. I know that with my immune system so wrecked, i could get sick any time, and be in the hospital one day and gone a few days later. It's something I have no control over and does no good worrying about it too much. But at night, my mind keeps going over my past, how I could have lived my life differently, what might have happened had my earlier "relationships" continued and had I never met B. I use the word relationships in quotes because they could hardly be called that.
Being a gay teen, i had absolutely zero dating options in high school... I take that back, I had one dating option, but he was a friend, though senior year i found out through rumors that we apparently were dating.
I don't want to get into the gory details of me sexual/emotional development on this blog. That's not what it's for. But anyway.. now on to happier subjects.
last weekend mom and B and I went to a workshop by Legacy Community Health, a five hour class about HIV and AIDS. You read that right. FIVE hours. with complimentary donuts/kolaches and blood tests to boot. I"m sorry to say I didn't really learn anything during the class, except that i still need to put on a little more weight so I don't get cold so easily.
Anyway, Thursday I got a call from the lady who did the class with my lab results. I had no idea they were going to do that until they sent us down to the lab.. so it's kind of nice to nit have to wait until August. All-in-all for someone who maybe had just been diagnosed with HIV and knew absolutely nothing about it, it would have been a very informative class.
So, whoever they use for testing must have more accurate testing methods or equipment than Quest Diagnostics, because they were able to tell me that I have a whole 10 t-cells per cubic mL of blood, where before i only knew i had "less than 20" CD4. SO I still need some help in the immune department. But in the couple of weeks since my last visit with Dr. C my viral load had dropped another 151 to 750. So the meds are still working. Yea!
Well.. 6:30 in the morn.. starting to get light outside, so i should probably try again and get some sleep before the sun is up all the way. getting my hair cut tomorrow (today) and then having lunch with mommy. :-)
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