How I met the love of my life

Those of you who know me and B well probably know this story.. but I've been thinking about it much lately and thought I'd make it a post:
I was a senior in high school and desperate for some sort of social outlet for interacting with other gays and lesbians. When I read about the Houston Pride band in a copy of the Gay and Lesbian Yellow pages, I, thought, " Hey, I'm, a band geek What better way to spend my time."

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.. That was a mistake; but that is for a different post...I had told the conductor that I played clarinet and alto sax so she could put me where they needed .me. When I saw B walk in with a clarinet bag, I knew I had made a mistake, as they needed me in the saxophone section. It was total love at first sight for both of us. The next week I left my sax in the boot of my car(Probably not the smartest thing to do in that part of town) claiming that it was in the shop but offering to join the clarinets.

So I got to sit right next to that clarinet guy and we struck up a conversation, taking every slight break to talk the whole night. Ithink we talked in the parking lot well after everyone else had gone.. we had traded phone numbers and email addrsses and he had convinced me into getting AIM. That nigh we were talking for hoursI was in love and this time I knew it was Rreal, Jnot just somepassing fancy. That weekend he was at my house to visit and play duets the lfolowing week we skipped rehearsal to have some alone time and we officially became a couple . I was elated. I new i was finally done with little one/two month mini relationhips, and would be with him forever. Shortly after I found oout I had HI,Ispent sthe better part of a night cryingbecause I thoughtI'd lose him- either because I'd get sick and die before I was ready to lose h,,m Or he'd decide He couldn't live with the whole HIV thing and decide we needed to separate. As wonderful as B has been through this whole lymphoma and rehab ordeal, I now Know that i was just being stupid. He's been my source of strength and support and sanity. Were he not in my life, I likely would have given up hope at the beginning of August.we'll have been together eleven years in April f 2009and love him 10000times more than I did the day he said he'd be my boyfriend. I wouldn't trade a day o our relationship for all the money in the world

hillbilly EnglishARGH!

If I have to listen to much more atrocious hillbilly grammar, I'm going to scream!
Man's name is glen. Wife calls him Glian or glee-an-Like Liam, but with an N at the end and a G in front

Let me give you the highlights: Wife talking to Nurse about some apparatus they might give her husband." Oh yeah, I seen that"
Son to dad upon arrival of visit:"Beau and Jennifer was gonna come see ya
Son to father about hurricane damage,"You know that seeder tree( cedar tree) in yer front yard? It got twisted up by the wind and a bunch a limbs come down
Daughter calls DadDayud and "on "is"aw-un".

I know I don't a;ways use perfect grammar, but GEEEEEEEEEEZ! There's our wonderful public school system for you. Or, since the bad language seems to be home-grown, maybe the kids were home schooled

Life is wht happens to you while you're busy making other plans

Well, For those of youwho don't know, on July 28th I had a hemhorragicstroke . which left me without the use of my left arm and legand had to have a craniotomy on the 29th. . they * thought* I had Lymphoma,but results were inconclusive. so they sent the biopsy to M.D. Anderson,And A couploof weeks later it came back as"somekind of lymphoma"..Turns out it's Non- hodgkinsymphoma of the brain which is just a fancy way of saying a fairlytreatable brain cancer. after a while,II got transfered to a new location for my chemobecause no regular oncologists wanted to treat me having HIVon top of it. after two rounds of chemo, I went to my 4th hospital for b.rehab. .So far things are. going reptty well. I've done more intwo dayshere than in the past tmonth and a half at the other host.All tew therapists are veryy nice and not ibconsiderste task masters like some I've accomplished more in a couple of days here than I did in a month and a half at the first three hospitals. Of course they actually knowt hings here instead of the other therapistwho seemed like they were working from an introduction to basic therapy bookletThe first few after the srokeweeks were preetty hard. Lots of"wfhy did this

happen whenI thought my HIV therapy was going so well.but then I realised that this happened because my HIV had progressed so farand I decided like the whole Patient/victim post said. It's m,y faultthatI have HI,V so I don't have any right to complain or feel sorry for myself. That realisation reduced the mount of crying quite a
bit.
I still have my sad breakdown moments: usually when I don't get enough sleep., or towards the end of the week B has been so wonderful through all of this. He always helps when I have an accident and never complainsHe always gets me in theweheel chair and tries to get me outside for a bit in the morningsI'm so greatful to have hadhim there the night of my stroke: IIf he hadn't been there, who knows how long I would hav been unconcious eand I probably
wouldn't have gotten 911 called

Anyway, back to the theme I tried to set with my title, Before all this, B and I were planning a trip to London in the spring and I was starting to try practicing again to see if I could get back in shape to play in public again.I wanted to do one or two more recItals before I developed full- blown AIDS, or got seriously sickTeaching is on hold indefinitely, uill I atleaststart to get some hand movement back

OMG!!! i'm FAT!!!

I feel so fat right now.. and not the good type "phat"... i now weigh 145.. compared to 6 months ago i'm a pig!.. i used to be able to fit in a tight pair of 28-waist jeans.. if they were Levi's which run a little loose.. or 29-30's if they were tighter brands like Mavi.. but now I can't even get into a 30" Levi... :-(

Need to go to the Gym with B some i guess... I actually have a belly now, which I haven't had in 15-18 years.. :-( I feel so ugly... and pot-bellied... ick...

in June my insurance stopped covering most of the Atripla, which we weren't expecting.. so i had to fork out over $1200 and sent me and my mom into panic moke trying to to find out how we can get my meds covered by the state or something else.. but thing worked out and i'll be getting meds from the Atripla people for a few months..

B and I just got back from a week long trip to Iowa to visit his family.. Was NOT ready to come back to Houston Heat... time to win the lottery and buy a summer home..:-)

anyway.. enough about my vanity.. I go in Monday for my next labs..and will get results next Tuesday.. feeling good right now except for my body conciousness.

one more thing

I'd just like to say, i must have a buttload of good karma supporting me.  Many stories I hear from podcasts are of people having much higher CD4 counts than I have and getting full blown AIDS with only very limited life expectancies.. And here I am with virually no immune system still getting by.  

I don't believe in God or angels or any of that hooplah.. but something must be protecting me.  And all I can guess is i must have a buttload more good karma than I thought possible.  

Now watch, since I said that I'll probably be a gonner in a month's time.

C'est la vie.  eh?

reliving the past

another sleepless night. I did fall asleep for a little at first, but had a weird dream that woke me up and sent my mind racing.  

I Don't think i'm afraid of dying. It's not something I stress about or fear all my waking moments. I know that with my immune system so wrecked, i could get sick any time, and be in the hospital one day and gone a few days later.  It's something I have no control over and does no good worrying about it too much.   But at night, my mind keeps going over my past, how I could have lived my life differently, what might have happened had my earlier "relationships" continued and had I never met B.  I use the word relationships in quotes because they could hardly be called that.  

Being a gay teen, i had absolutely zero dating options in high school... I take that back, I had one dating option, but he was a friend, though senior year i found out through rumors that we apparently were dating.   

I don't want to get into the gory details of me sexual/emotional development on this blog.  That's not what it's for.  But anyway.. now on to happier subjects.  

last weekend mom and B and I went to a workshop by Legacy Community Health, a five hour class about HIV and AIDS.  You read that right.  FIVE hours.  with complimentary donuts/kolaches and blood tests to boot.  I"m sorry to say I didn't really learn anything during the class, except that i still need to put on a little more weight so I don't get cold so easily.  

Anyway, Thursday I got a call from the lady who did the class with my lab results.  I had no idea they were going to do that until they sent us down to the lab.. so it's kind of nice to nit have to wait until August.  All-in-all for someone who maybe had just been diagnosed with HIV and knew absolutely nothing about it, it would have been a very informative class.  

So, whoever they use for testing must have more accurate testing methods or equipment than Quest Diagnostics, because they were able to tell me that I have a whole 10 t-cells per cubic mL of blood, where before i only knew i had "less than 20" CD4.  SO I still need some help in the immune department.  But in the couple of weeks since my last visit with Dr. C  my viral load had dropped another 151 to 750. So the meds are still working.  Yea!

Well.. 6:30 in the morn.. starting to get light outside, so i should probably try again and get some sleep before the sun is up all the way.  getting my hair cut tomorrow (today) and then having lunch with mommy.  :-)

Well dangit.. i was thinking my CD4 would have been part of my test last week but i guess it was just Viral Load. But good news.. My viral load is down to 901 from 669,000. Dr. C said that treatment is normally considered a success if after 2 months the VL drops 10-fold which would have beeen 67000... so that much of a drop means that maybe by next month i'll be in Undetectable range. But now i have to wait another two months to find out about my CD4.

Official weigh in was at 134 pounds. Up 20 pounds from a month ago.. which is good and bad... it's the most i've ever weighed in all my life. But, i'm also going to have to start watching what and how much i eat.. Something i've never had to do before.
I can't keep gaining 5 pounds a week. I'll be a total blob in no time.

Dr. C thinks i should see a rise in CD4 next test at the end of July. And then, if it's high enough, I'll be ready for some vaccines that he wants me to have.