I hate the term "POZ"

I understand why some HIV people call themselves "POZ. but I hate that term.. so many gay men wear it like a badge, of honour like calling themselves "Captain" or "Dr." but those badges are sign of accomplishments. being HIV positive is nothing to be proud of! I mean how can someone be *proud* to have gotten a chronic and , ultimately terminal disease? I have found myself more open about my HIV than I thought I would be, but more so for the educational aspect. trying to stress the fact that *anyone* can get it and there's no way to know when someone does have it and that people should be responsible about sex.

when I first found out my status last year I listened to a few HIV related podcasts and on one, the guest referred to themselves as "being HIV." That really clicked with me.. it was still a shorthand way of saying "HIV positive." yet it wasn't like a badge of honor like saying "I'm POZ." to me, calling myself HIV is like saying "I'm the face of HIV," as I am a face of HIV and will be long after I die; whether I die from AIDS or other causes.

I'm a bit anxious about my ppointment wirg Dr. C next week.. wiill my CD4 be high enough to drop one of the antibiotics?will my metabolic panel still be okay? I've gained so much weight since last year and have tried to cut things like fried foods and sodas out of my diet as much as I can . I plan on asking for some sleep aid medicine again... the generic stuff just didn't do a damn thing and I need to get a few decent nights sleep every now and then so I can speak coherently and not always look like I'm doped up on painkillers or something.

I'll e back after Thursday